Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Monday, August 7, 2017

of Livingston Montana and Married Life

And as if by magic (or Delta Airlines) we were transported from 96 degrees and humidity of the same at sea level, to the land of the arid mountains and smoky air at 4,200 feet.

We departed Tallahassee, Florida arriving to Salt Lake late at night their time and early in the morning our time.  We arrived to the downtown Hilton hotel, tired as can be and slept soundly till 8 a.m.  EST.  We arose and had a bite in the Hilton Executive Lounge, then strode off to pick up our rental vehicle.  Alas, the reservation was made for the day before we arrived, and now the same vehicle would cost six times as much.  Avis prices were crazy, and I am an Avis Wizard Member!!!

Upstairs to hit Kayak.com to see if they could save us.  And even more magic happened.  We got a Nissan four door truck for $200 less than our original reservation!  Thanks Budget!  After a forty five minute wait, we were off to the Hilton to retrieve our bags and start the drive to Livingston, Montana.

The google maps said a mere 6 and 1/2 hour drive through Utah and Idaho, then over to Montana.  The time frame did not include rest breaks or food breaks or road maintenance. The actual trip was closer to 8 hours.  Most of it was through valleys that paralleled rivers, or maybe, the roads were built next to the rivers... don't know the answer.  But, it is serious agricultural land.
 Cows, corn and silos everywhere.  Potatoes growing in neat rows, greenery a nice break from the dry mountains above.  The fires burning in several states make the view a smoky red color.  Still, it was a pleasant drive, rich in color and so different from where we live.

We finally arrived in Bozeman thinking we were close.  Close is never close enough on the last leg.  Livingston was yet another 30 minutes.  We arrived to a pleasant AirBnb accommodation, which had everything we needed.  We settled in, then walked the main drag in search of food.  We settled on a Mexican restaurant, which was not really what we needed after sitting all day, but it was easy and we were tired.


Up the next day and off to the fly fishing event.  The Flyfishers were gathering for the annual event.  The local high school provided the venue.  The rooms were afloat with Columbia shirts and Simms hats.  The land of sensible shoes and comfortable pants.  Fly rods bobbed in every back pack as people wandered in and out of the lobby.  We had registered for a couple of classes.  Mine was a casting class, learning the basics of the roll cast.  Must say the gals (and Frank) in my group were pretty good.  The instructor was very experienced and she kept things simple to make practice easier.  I was particularly good at the side cast, which is handy in Florida.  I enjoyed the time.  It is a lot standing and casting, but once you get something right, you get a little smug.  Casting on grass, and no fish in sight, you can sort of huff and puff about what might have been!

Class over, it was time for lunch and a big Montana nap.  The Fish Fest Hoot was the entertainment of the evening and the music was fun, the weather fine and the crowd very relaxed.


We sipped wine and beer, ate smoked trout and lamb, and swayed to the music in the street.  We also bought new boots and waders for me!  Dan Bailey was fab and my new boots were only $25!  Many a fly fishers dream, I might add.  I also got killer waders for less than $70 bucks.  Thanks to you Dan!




Next morning cooking class was the order of the day.  We got up and slipped out to Gil's to grab a pastry and coffee.  Hurried to class, as to not be late.  However, shouldn't have done so, as the instructor did not arrive for another half hour and then didn't start for another.  He was a large cowboy looking type with a well worn hat, a big mustache and a large belly.  He was teaching dutch oven cooking with charcoal, a camp style cooking.  He promised peach cobbler and cowboy eggs.






He read his instructions in a very deep voice, with authority they way one might talk when narrating a movie.  The recipes were all simple and he had the ingredients with him.  Well, most of them.  After reviewing the process, we all donned aprons and proceeded to begin the chores.  He insisted all eyes be on him, and all hands be on deck for prep work.  Coals in the chimney for warming, we proceeded to cut onions and beat eggs.  He forgot the peppers, so he had to leave us and the group of eight began chopping and beating eggs.

Then, he had everyone gather round him to take a bite of the same peach.  I did so, but very reluctantly.  Fortunately, I was  second.  He handed out peaches and we began cutting them for the oven.  There is a short distraction as the coals are poured onto the flat grill bed.   Butter slicing resumes and the mix is put on the peaches.  The butter was not to his liking so he took over placing the butter on the mixture.  The recipe would take 45 minutes and all of that would be listening to him regale us with his prowess in canning, smoking and bar b queuing.  My best take away was how little charcoal it takes to make a cobbler.  The heavy cast iron dutch oven with legs is a mighty grilling tool.  To be able to make desert at the same time as ribs, is simply freeing.   A very valuable lesson indeed.  Luckily, the class over, I found the little park where we assembled to be charming.






A very pleasant ending to a very different kind of morning!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Rising to the Occasion of Motherhood


God
I am the kind of mother who touches her children every night and prays to god in heaven to make them smarter, braver, stronger, and better than the way they were the day before.
I ask that they be kind and direct and courteous and love their parents.
I ask to make them better at what they love and put music in their hearts in the morning.
I pray to make me a better mother, but if only one prayer can be answered, I want god to care for them.
I am the kind of mother that weeps when they fail.
I shake when they are on stage and I gasp when the spaces of breath are too long.
I am the kind of mother who waits patiently for them to figure out the math.
I am the kind of mother who says wipe it up, I’ll make more.  It doesn’t matter.  Breathe.
I am the kind of mother who explains boys don’t get it as fast as girls and that the pamphlet forgot to say ask permission to touch any one under any circumstances.
I am the kind of mother who said you can save yourself for marriage.  It is always an option.
I am the kind of mother who says you will need your brother one day don’t talk to him like that.
I am the kind of mother who cries secretly, fearing their future and praying I did enough.


And ten years after writing these words, I am still praying.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Rising to the Occasion of the Seven Year Itch?

Perhaps its just my age, or maybe my friends age, but it seems like several of the "midlife crisis" set are changing big time.  It used to be that you heard about men leaving their wives of twenty years to find the new trophy wife or to pursue the sports car of their dreams.  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=trophy%20wife



But the people I hear about are women making mid life choices to leave their spouses or their comfortable habits and pursue a new lifestyle.  Some are leaving to change their life in big ways.  One I know of left her home and job to pursue marathon running competitively.  Another left because she wanted to live in a big city, having lived in the country for the last 20 years (could have been the commute).  And just tonight, my husband told me about another woman that we both know, planning to leave for a new love.

Perhaps it is just my imagination, but perhaps it is just my generation.  We are the ones that had to pursue it all: families, jobs, social activity, community service.  The soccer moms with their anti-tiger mom approach of giving theirs all the things they never had as youth.  My generation stormed in and now is changing the with the tide of age.  We may be tired of being it all, or we may just need to rejuvenate.  Some are doing it with their families, others are desiring to pursue who they are....  sort of like the teen years of finding one's self.  Many (mostly those left behind literally or figuratively) think they are making a bad trade and a poor choice.  But I am not so sure.  It isn't so much that the choices they made to begin with were right or wrong, as the choices they made twenty or thirty years ago don't apply anymore.

Articles on Crisis for Women

Several of the women I know are just plain unhappy with where they are.  They rose to the top of their game, raised their children, performed the house chores and were active wives.  They were challenged and took the challenge, rising to the occasion of ever more demands.  And now they face a long future.  Isn't 40 the new thirty? and 50 the new 40?  Don't they have another 30 years of life at least to pursue happiness and fulfillment?  Didn't they give enough and deserve a second shot?

What if their situation is not bad, it just isn't enough?  When one reaches the top or the plateau of career and a full family, you face more of your self.  You look in the mirror and see the inevitable change and maybe you think its now or never.  Maybe you think that you have so much time left, there is enough to be a whole new person with different aspirations and emotions and growth.  It is real; we do have a long time to be new or renewed when our children leave and our jobs top out - or are even gone.

AARP has many resources for those who want to enter a second career  ttp://www.aarp.org/work/working-after-retirement/

Other sites have info on rebranding yourself http://hbr.org/2011/03/reinventing-your-personal-brand/ar/1. I think people stop and wonder if they should be looking at a second life....  You know sort of the trophy wife scenario only now it is the trophy me instead.  I understand that feeling and the need to expand, to find something meaningful at this age and this time.  I look back on my mother's life and my grandmothers' lives and wonder if they didn't think and feel the same thing.  One of my grandmothers had already started a second family late in life.  I doubt she had time to think of new pursuits.  But surely those like my mother, who married at 19 and lived their entire life married and mothering, thought of pursuing a different dream or another course at some point.

I am not writing to advocate for leaving your spouse or changing your life.  That is a deeply personal choice that is way too complicated to indulge.  But I do understand the desire to be more than the supermom and the super employee.  I understand wanting to be a super you with a new identity and new purpose.  The options that we have are far greater than those who came before us. And those options present the challenge of choice.  Choosing is hard, as it is probably not reversible and not easy.  Even those who are certain that it is right will tell you how difficult the transition is.  Frightening really.  It does require some bravery to be someone new.

Don't be crabby about change.


I just wonder how it will turn out in thirty years.  I wonder if we look back and say that the choices we made on our second wind were as gratifying as the first.  This generation of women s broke a lot of ground and raised a fantastic group of children. They changed the workforce, the congress, and maybe the path of marriage for the future.  Now they are changing themselves again.  I guess the challenges aren't over.  I wish all of those looking down that path well. And I wish the ones that aren't going to change with you well too.