Rising to the Good Doctor Appointment

Recently, I went with my mother (and father) to the doctor.  I had somehow psyched my self into believing that this would be a momentous occasion for medicine.

Turns out that it is three pills at 8:30 a.m

Inflammation that went on too long and white cells started attaching so vehemently that they started being more of a problem than an asset.

So here is my take away from the doctor visit:

Are you a doctor or nurse practitioner or pharmacist?  if not, don't freak out and search the web and come to your own random conclusion. Do perform research, do be informed. symptom checker.

 Don't panic.  I cannot tell you how many diseases my friends have diagnosed themselves with.  Even comedians make fun of their friends who have every weird disease in the book or the disease of the day.


Are you going with someone else to be the support?  Take notes.  That person will be in the more tense position.  They may not be concentrating on anything but the verdict.  So, be helpful and take notes of the peripheral conversation. And of course, don't forget to share with the patient!

Be fun.  NO, REALLY, be FUN.


The big fun at this visit was a sign that said," botox injections" at the proctology office.  (NOT HAPPENING!)  I had to ask the nurse, does anyone ever ask for botox in this office, seriously?  She turned and looked at me and said,"you can see who are patients are."  nuff said.

The nurses and doctors have a tough job, tight schedules.  When they meet you be appreciative, be a good listener, compliment their smile, patience, concern.  Sometimes, I even compliment the furrowed brow, telling them their concern is appreciated.  Notice the wedding ring or the children photos, and ask if they are or where they are.... ask how their children are.  Make it personal. Make it very personal. It is the best way to get them to focus on you and yours in a day full of the same patients.

My father doesn't like having to be the pill monitor and the dishwasher and the morning cook.  He is a 1950s husband used to having dinner prepared and served.  I am sure everyone has their own perspective on that.  But, most would be happy that their partner is there.  That they can be in charge, even if they don't want to be.  And grateful that they are able.

At least that is the discussion in my house.  I hope my husband steps up to do my medication.  And I hope I never need it.  And I hope I am there for my parents.

PS Had the follow up doctor appointment today.  Mom is a non-compliant patient, who did not take the meds as she was told.  So she is trying again.  And my father who is a monitor of sorts is once again tasked with helping her remember. Neither wants to be compliant and neither wants to be in the doctor office anymore. Geez, Louise.....

of becoming your mother's care giver

I have had many challenges in my life, but none so hard as realizing that the last ever care free shopping trip with my mom happened in June.  She is facing heart issues and other stuff and isn’t carefree right now.

But I can tell you, amongst the grief and anger and emotional upheaval, is a group of incredibly strong staid women who face those like me and my mom every day.

I can tell you that the woman named Jackie, that washed my mother while she was in physical rehab, made her happy.  My mother said she had never been so clean and refreshed.  And when I told Jackie, she blushed and said thank you.  Humble, kind and reliable.  Jackie is the true meaning of the everyday elder care hero.

Then of course there is Martha, the stalwart, who knows how care should be and takes it personally and takes pride in her investment of time.  Martha is the queen of "I can get her to eat again" folks.  She has already proven herself with the yogurt that she made mom eat.  Martha makes companies like Hope Well be successful.

And tonight, there is Alma, the night caregiver, who will stay awake in case my mother gets up.  And she will read in her chair and listen and oh by the way, water is fine, I don't need coffee to stay awake.... Alma.

And may I tell you that there are others who helped in this process whose names I don't have down on paper.  The ones who said, "you are amazing for showing up every day and looking out for her".  The ones who came down the hall to tell me they think that there is no hope or all hope or just a hug or just a good bye squeeze.

My father asked what was her name?  I tried to explain.  I don't know Jackie's last name, but I know she has three kids and one has football on Thursday's.  I don't know Janice's last name, but her sister lives in Quitman and her mom is at home for now.

I don't know the night nurse or the day nurse or even the head social worker's name.  But I know they all came down the hall to hug me, to catch my tears or just tell me to go outside for a few moments.   I know the ones who wear red and the one's with matching eyeglasses.  I know the young one that wanted to wear green nail polish and the cranky old one who told me that he should be present to discuss how my mother behaved on medication.

I don't know the outside of them anymore than I know the outside of my mother.

I know the inside of them is warm and loving and wanting and alive.

I know the inside of my mother is still a mess.  And it may never change, it may always change.

What doesn't change is my memory of our last shopping trip and the girls day out.  And I miss her already and I love her forever.  Thank you mom, for every one you have been and everyone you are and for being my rock.  You still are the amazing woman I love.